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O man of Two Goggles

by Oscar de Clavier - October 10th, 2006
why read this?!fairly good.interesting...GREAT READ!oh give us MORE of this!!! ( no ratings yet )
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I have a colleague who harks from Africa and has a rather innovative answer to the mid afternoon lull. The mid afternoon lull is, by his reckoning, the period between 2:30 pm and 5:30 pm. Poor thing, he’s busy digesting and as we all know its difficult to digest and breathe at the same time, so who can blame him for stretching out in his seat and sleeping for a wee while.

I always convienced myself that a decent education doesnt actually teach you any knowledge but rather teaches you how to acquire knowledge. By application of this maxim, a decent lawyer is basically someone who knows his way around the world wide web. Now Africa is, I am sure, full of highly qualified, highly intelligent legal minds. But somehow they haven’t made it to my office. The one that has found his way here today said to me:

“What is goggle search?”

“Pardon?” i replied, knowing full well what he was asking but incredulous at what I was hearing.

“Goggle search. What is goggle search?” he persisted, with a mental agility and dexterity that is a thing to behold.

“Do you mean ‘google search’?” I offered.

“Aha. Yes. Goggle search. What is it?”

“Do you mean what is it, or whats the address?” i asked

“What is the site”. I presumed he was trying to ask me for the URL.

www.google.com“.

I had never realised that i am a racist until i just reread this post.

47 Responses to “O man of Two Goggles”

  1. Oscar de Clavier says:

    Oh thanks, really, it was just a minor post, gee, shucks, namaste.

  2. Saleem says:

    Oscar the Grouch.

  3. Oscar de Clavier says:

    Thanks Sal, so kind of you to comment!

  4. Oscar de Clavier says:

    Sweet, glad you liked it Sal.

  5. Oscar de Clavier says:

    No, but really, I enjoyed writing this post and am so happy you enjoyed reding it.

  6. Oscar de Clavier says:

    I love you guys, you’re my reason for living. You are the oxygen to the halogen lamp of my arduous longing to write nice artsy pieces. NAMASTE!
    I BOW TO THE DIVINE IN YOU!
    I NEED YOU! HELP ME! I THINK I AM DYING! DOES ANYONE CARE?
    Thanks Sal, thanks for the comment. Sweet.

  7. Oscar de Clavier says:

    Glad you liked it, cheers!

  8. Humane Owl says:

    Ever since a brief reference to the word ‘namaste’ occured at a gathering that myself and Saleem both attended yesterday evening it has been mentioned about 6 times here already….We’ve over done the namaste’s enough!

  9. Saleem says:

    Ok, if anyone who isn’t “Oscar” is still reading this, it’s perhaps worth clarifying why “Oscar” has gone so thoroughly bonkers. Yesterday, I wrote an entry for the ‘crats which was well received, and I thanked various people a couple times as their compliments came in. So far, so normal. Mogogo later came along and took my two thanks to be sycophantic dotage of the readership, bowing and preening and giving encores where restraint and dignity would have required none. He would have been right, had I in fact been bowing and preening and giving encores.

    Meanwhile, today we were speaking and I was able to cause his head to explode. This was achieved by a series of well-timed jokes, allusions to old arguments, explanations of Lutheranism (I couldn’t believe that Mogogo didn’t know the early history of the Reformation) and a sing-along of the English hymn, Lord of the Dance. “Dance, then, wherever you may be / I am the Lord of the Dance, said He / And I’ll lead you all wherever you may be / And I’ll lead you all in the dance, said He.”

    Now “Oscar” has chimed in with this entry written expressly for the purpose of writing a comment. But, bonkers as he is, that one comment is now eight. The last but one is very funny, because it apes a moment during my earlier conversations with Mogogo during which I litanised all the ways in which I roundly routed, trounced and defeated him. “You are Liston to my Clay, Napolean to my Waterloo, Marlowe to my Shakespeare, Judaism to my Christianity, Christianity to my Islam, Islam to my Bahá’í faith.” Etc.

    The Mogogo/Oscar entity has caused a schism on the Neocrats! Which is ironic, because he didn’t even know who Luther was!

  10. Humane Owl says:

    Mogogo didn’t know who Martin Luther was?!?

  11. Oscar de Clavier says:

    Thanks for the comments Human Owl! Nice one. Cheers. Thanks, really, i didnt think it was such a good post, but yeah, like, thanks, thats really kind. Did you really like it? Like, how much? You guys spoil me. Thanks. Wow. I’m blushing.

    NAMA
    STE!

  12. Mogogo says:

    I’m not rising to the bait, but suffice it to say that I did indeed know who Martin Luther was. But it reminds me that Saleem once famously mistook Martin Luther King Jr. for Bill Cosby.

  13. Oscar de Clavier says:

    Thanks for the second comment Sal. Actually, the comment you referred to was funny as it also referred to the mixed metaphor discussion in earlier comments on your ‘Two Visions’ post. Sorry if this reference was lost on you, but thanks for taking the time and making such a long and detailed comment.

    Om Mani Padme Hum!

  14. Saleem says:

    That bit about mistaking Dr King for Mr Cosby is sheer calumny. This isn’t: Mogogo didn’t know who Martin Luther was! I had to give him a Wikipedia link! Mogfelat!

  15. Mogogo says:

    This is the transcript of Saleem’s monologue which he adduces as evidence of my not knowing who Luther was:

    “Saleem: …I’m going to nail a piece of paper to your front door
    that’s a reference to Luther, by the way
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther
    is your head exploding? I’d like to see footage

    Me: get lost”

    The only thing which was changed in the above conversation - which is lifted straight out of my gtalk log - was substituting a vaguely rude phrase with the more palattable “get lost”

  16. Oscar de Clavier says:

    Hey thanks for commenting again Sal! And you’re right - it wasn’t Bill Cosby, it was Richard Pryor.

  17. Saleem says:

    Or perhaps Chris Farley, according to your calculus.

  18. Oscar de Clavier says:

    Thanks!

  19. Saleem says:

    You’re welcome!

  20. Sarmad says:

    Shocking evil!

  21. Marshn says:

    Do you guys have too much pent-up energy?

  22. Original Sin says:

    Saleem, we all know who Oscar is, so knock it off.

    With regards to your article, 80%+ percent of “Africans” are black, so it’s natural to think black person when you say “collegue from Africa”.

  23. Saleem says:

    Woo! In this instance, Oscar wasn’t me! Specifically, OS, what makes you think I have an office at all? And how could I make reference to being a lawyer? You’ve just stumbled into being thick!

  24. Oscar de Clavier says:

    tick?

  25. Original Sin says:

    Tick Tock Simpson, Bart’s nickname when he becomes a famous jazz musician in episode 3 season 18. Features a funny guest appearance by the White Stripes. The Simpsons have lost it though. The episodes are barely (funny), without any substance. Maybe we outgrew them?

    /threadjack end

  26. Oscar de Clavier says:

    This is the most commented-upon post for ages, gee guys, i’m so touched, how little ol’ me, a humble goatherd from eritrea can have generated so much interest in my little ol’ post.

  27. Oscar de Clavier says:

    N

  28. Oscar de Clavier says:

    A

  29. Oscar de Clavier says:

    M

  30. Oscar de Clav says:

    A

  31. Oscar de Clav says:

    S

  32. Oscar de Clav says:

    T

  33. Oscar de Clav says:

    E

  34. Oscar de Clav says:

    !

  35. Saleem says:

    Mogogo’s and Oscar’s brains are splattered on the wall.

  36. Humane Owl says:

    That was pretty slow of OS to think Oscar in this case was Saleem considering all the blatant giveaways that it was Mogogo within the first two paragraphs.

  37. Saleem says:

    Yes.

  38. Original Sin says:

    I (foolishly) thought Sal had an imagination that allowed him to write about things outside his immediate habitat. Apologies for this grossly fatuous assumption of ability.

  39. Saleem says:

    Yes! By attacking me you have completely distracted everyone from the obviousness of your stupid mistake! Well done! You have pulled the wool over our eyes! We are fooled! You have prevailed!

  40. Sanisha says:

    Namaste !

    Neocrats !

    First, I was taken aback by your use of this word which is as sacred to some people…Hindus…as Allah’u'Abha is to Bahai’s.sad.But if there was anyone else offended then maybe Saleems explanation explained where it came from.

    2nd: I think the African man was stupid to trust his colleague (Mogogo) with his ‘ignorance’… but it’s a common mistake, a fatal error actually, made by Africans in Africa and elsewhere.It’s high time that Africans wake up!

    …but I am sure you also sleep very well Mogogo, at night, on your soft white Egyptian cotton pillowcases.I did not know how disturbed i am by this until i reread this comment.

  41. Sanisha says:

    ps: lets ‘get with utopia’ …or don’t bother/nice knowing you.

  42. Nureen says:

    I dont believe I just read all these comments!

  43. Saleem says:

    There have been suggestions that Mogogo will shortly hold a press conference, at which he will announce his full culpability in the above crimes, reveal for certain the identity of Oscar de Clavier, and issue a full apology for all offence caused, in particular to the Hindu people for his abuse of the sacred word “namaste”. This is an unprecedented move by an incumbent Neocrat, Jennifer, and my sources indicate that it comes only after a fierce internal debate amongst the Neocrats as a whole. We can expect that this unprecedented act of contrition from a leading Neocrat will weaken his standing, and we can expect him to play a diminished role in future developments. Neither Mogogo nor any members of his camp could be reached for comment tonight, but it is understood that he is seeking solace in the arms of whiny white-boy musician Tom Yorke, chanting his own mantra, “I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here?”

  44. Oscar de Clavier says:

    “I fight on. I fight to win”
    - M. Thatcher, 2 days before her resignation.

  45. Original Sin says:

    No matter how much you dislike this thread Sal, it very much encapsulates Netcrats, good writing (the original post), pulled down to the locker-room level by the readers (the ensuing comments). Brilliant. Namaste.

    /surprised that last word wasn’t part of the cloud
    //cloud only counts posts, or comments also?

  46. nemoDreamer says:

    should i modify the cloud to read comments as well? but then, does the search function search comments, because the cloud links to it…
    Namaste.

  47. Saleem says:

    It’s not that good a post.

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